How the World Spins for Manda

It's not worth taking a picture

2004-11-12T03:47:48Z

I'm so depressed. I've been sitting in a gloomy hole for the past 3 weeks. I can't stop throwing up after everything I eat, I hate being around myself, but even more than all this I miss being with Logan. We're supposed to still be like best friends....That was the plan. It wasn't supposed to turn out like this. I mean yes we get along, but there's nothing to really argue about when you never see the other person. I feel so inferior around him now too. This is freakin rediculous. I feel so lost and alone. I hate being here because the people I want to be with, no longer want to be with me. And I'm scared to go home in fear of having absoulutley no one at all. Why do I always feel so shitty? Can't I just for once get over my anger, sadness, and misery and enjoy myself. Can't I smile and truely be happy for once. I'm sick of hiding everything. I'M NOT HAPPY. DOES THAT MAKE ALL OF YOU PEOPLE WHO WANT TO RUIN MY SMILE FEEL LIKE YOU'VE WON?! WELL FOR ALL THATS HOLY, YOU HAVE. I sure hope now you know it's not even a real smile.

Ugh! I'm going to bed.

I have issues

My first and only....`

2004-10-10T05:13:07Z

Homecoming was last night and I had the best time of my life. Seriously I love going to a regular school. We had different themes for each day and that was cool then Friday was our assembly (where I got to escort Logan in front of the whole school casue he's a top player in football), then there was a parade, the game, and then a dance. I had the most fun of my life. Logan makes me feel so special. I never want to leave him. We haven't lost a game yet...yep thats right 7-0. Woohoo!! I really hope we go to the playoffs. We should cause I mean there's only 2 more games, but accroding to the guys they are going to be the hardest 2 teams to play. Which would really suck for us if we loose cause we've gotten so far. Anyways, I'm in love. I know we'll break up when I leave. But he is forever my best friend and I'm already plannign on coming back out here over the summer.

I miss you Domino, Trevor, and Ryland.

O yeah Aimi is in Germany and having a blast. She doesn't want to come back either. Her, Jeff, and I all get back at the same time. I guess best friends do everything together. Wierd. But cool. I don;t really miss Fl. I love the small town atmostphere up here. Except for the fact that it doesn't even take a day for gossip to spread. Ugh! It's unreal.

Ok well I have church tomorrow and then a game of tennis with Logan Andy and Spence. So good night to all.

lilfarmergirl17 @ 2004-10-09T22:42:00

2004-10-10T05:06:20Z

Wow, it's been a while, but when do I write and say that it hasn't. A lot has happened since then and I must say that I am the happiest girl in the world. I have a bf named Logan Klein and he is absoulutely perfect. I'm totally in love. I never want to leave here. It sounds like things are pretty screwed up back home anyways so staying here would mean that I have a lot more going for me. I reallt don't care to go back to MSA. I have 2 best friends up her, Logan and Spencer, I go to a normal school, and I'm totally free to do whatever. I love it.

Anyways lemme tell you a little about my friends.

Logan: Wow what a hottie. He's definitely a keeper. He's an awesome Christian, plays football, plays tennis, is so freakin built, and is a complete nerd like me. He always keeps me laughing and makes me feel more special than anyone in my whole life ever has. I never want to leave him. He sings too and it's nit like singing in FL. He's got a freakin awesome voice and he's the lead singer in a band.

Spencer: What and awesome guy. He also plays football, is an awesome Christian, treats me like his sister, is a germ freak like me, plays tennis, and is a race car driver. He won a 1st place and a 3rd in his race this past Saturday. Go Spence! I'm going to miss him and Logan the most. They have meant so much to me seriously they are the coolest guys I've ever met. I feel like I've known them forever. He's also in the band. Him and I are writing new lyrics and he plays the base.

Then there's Justan: He's the first guy I met up here and is freakin hilarious. He plays football, plays the drums in the band, runs track, is an awesome Christian and always makes me laugh. We both have crap in our lives so he comes to me and talks about things....It's pretty cool.

There's more and so her goes a shout out to Lisa, Julie, Strome, Tammy, Nicole, Brittany,, Terry, David, Shane, Isaiah, Mike, and will. O yeah Samantha Pitts....guess who has Logan and who deosn't...yeah thats right. ME! I'll try to get pics on here. They aren't very good ones, but until I get home they'll have to do, I love you all.

Thank you Domino, Trevor, and Ryland for still being there for me. I love you guys and can't wait to see you again.

Sucky Night

2004-08-30T18:12:33Z

Last night was definitely unbelievable. Seriously! I went to church for 5 freakin hours, then I came home and went to Isaiah's house to meet him and Logan. We went school shopping, fun times, and ran into Julie.Then I hoped in the car with Logan again and we headed to his house. He bought the movie "Malibu's most wanted" and it was frekain hilarious. It was the first time I had seen it and it was great. well I chilled there for a while actually for like 6 hours and then we were about to go bowling when Julie called and was like...."manda your screwed, Beth called and she doesn't know were you at.".....to make a long story short, I told my dad how I really felt about him and his constant disappointment in me, then I ran away to the bowling ally balling my eyes out, I met Isaiah and Logan there, talked to both of them for a while then went to Logans house and crashed....

I had like the worst night of my life. I mean it was the best and the worst. I got to spend the whole night around Logan so that was cool. But like when he woke me up I was half out of it, I guess Derek called and to tell me that he was home so it was safe to come back. It was so hard to drive home. My eyes burned and like I was so out of it. I did get a little sleep though which was good. And Logan has older sister so he's a good listener. Isaiah is to....he's an encourager. I have made some pretty awesome firneds.

Well senior pictures are today and my face is puffy and swollen....O well. Life goes on I guess. Ok well I'm heading out. Spending some more time with Logan....school starts tomorrow.

Love you all....

lilfarmergirl17 @ 2004-08-28T21:59:00

2004-08-29T04:54:21Z

Well I just got home form my first Polson football game. I mean I had to go and all concidering that all of my friends were involved in it. It was a kick butt game. 38 to 0. We won!!! Freakin awesome.

Yeah besides the game my day has been pretty sucky. Seriously. I can't stand living with Beth Moree anymore. She makes me miserable. I can't believe that I have all this patience. I'm about to expolde. Actually today I did explode. Seriously I called my mom crying my little eyes out. Beth told me when I first go here that the house is always open and that I should always have people over, well now she saying that I'm not allowed to go to anyones house, I can't hang out with my guy friends because it makes me look bad, and I freakin just can't have a life. Gosh, I'm so done with her. I don't want to leave Montana, I just want to leave this house. For real!

Anyways, poor Logan ripped the muscle in his knee again. It sucks. He was out of the game second half....and he's like the main player. Well, all the guys are being pretty supportive of my sucky life. They offered to come over beat Beth up, but I tolod them it might be best to hold off for a while. Man I hope life gets better. I was supposed to chill with Logan, Mike, and Isaiah tomorrow. Screw this crap I still am.

School starts Tuesday!! Wooohoo!!

lilfarmergirl17 @ 2004-08-26T12:20:00

2004-08-26T18:32:34Z

Last night was definitely eventful. I was supposed to go to youth group, but all of the guys were gone to Missoula so I hung out with Julie for a little bit. I got really bored so I called Isaiah to see what he was doing and then we headed over to Logans house. That was fun. Derek met us there and we had 'ping-pong' competitions. It was awesome. I have come to find out that I'm pretty good. For the most part.

Yeah, everyone around town seems to know me....I'm 'Amanda the girl from Fl'. Awesome huh? I never have a last name. Kinda sad, but life goes on.

Besides all this groovey stuff, I got up bright and early this morning (6:45am) to go and sign up for my classes. They are as follows:

1st- A.P. English
2nd- DE Stats
3rd- Astronomy
4th- Computers 3
5th- Honors Physics

Wow fun times....on top of all that I'm taking American Gov., Englich, and French 2 online. I'm I'm busy little bee.

Ok I'm out. Side note to Fl.....I miss you Domino, Blaine, Ryland, Trevor, Aimi, and my little sis. Love you all

Manda

Boredom

2004-08-20T16:30:37Z

I WANT ~ for God to use my in a mighty way
I LOVE ~ you. (most of the time!)
I HATE ~ feeling alone
I MISS ~ my friends and family back home
I FEAR ~ aloneness. not having people like me. (is that the same thing as
being alone? perhaps thats why i fear it.)
I HEAR ~ nothing
I SEARCH ~ for the truth.

LAST TIME YOU?-
SMILED? ~ ON the phone with Domino yesterday
LAUGHED? ~ when Justan was over
BOUGHT SOMETHING? - alot of stuff from American Eagle
DANCED? ~ ugh.I wish it was sooner, but the last day of school
WERE SARCASTIC? ~ ha! every moment of my life
KISSED SOMEONE? ~ Before Jeff left
HUGGED SOMEONE? ~ Aimi before I left...I haven't been big on hugs lately
HAD A NIGHTMARE? ~ wow it was definitely liek 3 nights ago...few I'm still alive
LAST MOVIE YOU SAW ON THE BIG SCREEN ~ Sadly, it was like 6 months ago...Gothika
LAST PHONE NUMBER YOU CALLED ~ Domino
LAST SHOW YOU WATCHED ON TV ~umm... something on bombs...I've become a nerd
LAST SONG YOU HEARD ~ Naughty girl
LAST THING YOU HAD TO DRINK ~ water!

------Do You...-------
SMOKE ~ no.
DO DRUGS ~ negative
HAVE A CRUSH ~ actually yes
HAVE A BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND ~ Nope
HAVE A DREAM THAT KEEPS COMING BACK ~nope
REMEMBER YOUR FIRST LOVE ~ of course.
STILL LOVE HIM/HER ~ Don't think so, I'm still told I do though
READ THE NEWSPAPER ~ once in a great while
BELIEVE IN MIRACLES ~ yes.
BELIEVE IT'S POSSIBLE TO REMAIN FAITHFUL FOREVER ~ Maybe
LIKE THE TASTE OF ALCOHOL ~ on smirknoff (sp?)
BELIEVE IN GOD ~ absoulutely
HAVE ANY SECRETS ~ yes
HAVE ANY PETS ~ not personally.
GO TO OR PLAN TO GO TO UNIVERSITY ~ yuppers.
WEAR HATS ~ yes.
HAVE ANY PIERCINGS ~ my ears.
HAVE ANY TATOOS ~ i wish
HATE YOURSELF ~ yeah. i do sometimes.
HAVE A BEST FRIEND ~ Yes and I miss her alot (Aimi)
HAVE ANY BAD HABITS ~ uh huh.
CARE ABOUT LOOKS ~ depends on who i'm with/feel like impressing. (it's
not often.)
TRUST OTHERS EASILY ~ no. not anymore.
LIKE SARCASM ~ mm...not sure. depends on the situation
TAKE WALKS IN THE RAIN ~ oh yes. Yes YES! absolutely!
KISS WITH YOUR EYES CLOSED ~ yes
SING IN THE SHOWER ~ how else can you take a shower?
HAVE ANY SCARS ~ uh huh.

[ A last time for everything .... ]
Last book you read: Pride and Prejudice
Last song you heard: not sure...i think it was the Beach Boys
Last thing you had to drink: water
Last time you showered: just now
Last thing you ate: yogurt

[ Fashion .... ]
Do you wear a watch? yes
How many coats and jacket do you own? oh dear. honestly...i'm not sure.
How many pairs of shoes do you have? lets see... 20maybe, and then some
Most expensive item of clothing: UMM, my jacket. like $266
What kind of shoes do you wear? perdy ones.
Describe your style in one word: i don't think i have a "style"

[ Friends .... ]
Do your friends 'know' you? sure.
What do they tend to be like? all different. mostly like me. i think.
dunno...
Are there traits in you that are universally liked? i think so
Are there people that you tell everything to?no. not EVERYTHING. i tell
more to certain individuals. but not EVERYTHING.

[ Other .... ]
Favourite band ever: Don't have one
Type of music listened to: Country, country, country.
Type never listened to: hard crap.

[ Homosexuality .... ]
What is the first thing you think when you see two gay guys or lesbians
holding hands? hmm... they must be gay
Do you agree or disagree with gay or lesbian couples bringing up
children? I totally disagree

[ General questions .... ]
Whom do you believe is the smartest man alive at the moment? don't know, don't care
What do you prefer, a sunny or rainy day? depends on my mood
Do you feel pity for people who commit suicide? i think it's sad
Choose one word to describe how you feel most often: lost

[ Stuff .... ]
Do you own any plaid clothing? oh of course!
Do you own Converse shoes? yes
Do you own Saucony shoes? yes
Do you own old-school Nikes? HAHA YES
Do you wear tight pants?Yeah
Is there more than one zipper on your pants? no
Do you know what a squatter flap is? no.
Do you own a messenger bag? I own 4
Do you wear your messenger bag across your chest? uh huh
Do you own braces? nope
Are braces worn anywhere besides the mouth? nope.
Do you have short, shaggy hair? no, it's fairly long now
Does your hairstyle exceed a height of three inches? no.
Would you classify your hair as a deadly weapon? no.
Do you think mohawks are "neat"? Yeah
Do you own a bandana? several.
Do you wear plugs in your ears? no.
Are you amused by safety pins? no.
Have you ever used duct tape as a sewing substitute? yes, I was desperate
Do you own one or more objects with studs or spikes in them? no
Do you own one or more articles of clothing from Dogpile, Lip Service, or
Tiger of London? nope
Do you enjoy leopard print? uh... not really, but i have a pair of really
cool underwear thats leopard print

[ Habits, beliefs .... ]
Are you disgruntled [having a general hate for everything]? no.
Does the American flag anger you? uh...no!
Do you dislike "preps"? i don't dislike them, no.
Do you dislike Hot Topic? yes
Do you smoke cigarettes? eww...no.
Do you smoke cloves? eww...no.
Are you vegan/vegetarian? yes. for right now
Do you think meat is murder? no
Do your nighttime activities usually involve drunken underage vomiting?
uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...no.
Have you ever slept in an alley or a park? not that i'm aware of.
Do you wash your hair less than once a week? no
Have you ever gone a week without a shower? never
Have you ever been avoided due to your odour? i don't believe so. but i
may have.
Do you know who Jack Kerouac is?no.
Do you like Mr. Kerouac? Im not sure...
Should Mumia Abu-jamal be freed from prison? nah
Are you a member of the Makeout Club? not currently!
Do you say "rad"? uh...no.

[ Other .... ]
Name? Amanda
Do you like it? yeah. i do.
Age? 17
Birthday? Nov. 16
Sign? Scorpio
Location? Usually Bradenton FL/ but right now Polson MT
Status? single
Crush? sadly yes
Natural hair colour? dirty blonde
Current hair colour? dirty blonde
Height? 5'4
Birthplace? Sarasota
Shoe size? 8

[ Family .... ]
Parents? Jerry, Shelley
Siblings? Nichole, Anna
Live with? all of the above
Favourite relative? dad's parents

[ Favourites .... ]
Numbers? 23, 77
Colour? red
Day? friday
Month? december
Song? i can love you like that
Movie? dunno.
Food? chicken ceasar salad
Season? winter
Sport? dance...
Class? american history
Teacher? mr. busch
Drink? coke...
Veggie? cucumber
TV show? Gilmore Girls
Radio station? 106.5
Word? unreal
Animal? dog
State? FL

[ This or that .... ]
Coke or Pepsi? coke
Day or night? night
Cages or wings? def. wings.
AOL or AIM? AIM
CD or cassette? cd
DVD or VHS? DVD
Jeans or khakis? jeans
Car or truck? I want a truck but i like my car
Tall or short? short!
Lunch or dinner? dinner

lilfarmergirl17 @ 2004-08-20T09:27:00

2004-08-20T15:50:11Z

O what beatiful morning, o what a beautiful day....I have a wonderful feeling, that everything's going my way....I love that song. So yeah I woke up nice and happy today after having a completely miserable day yesterday. I was so sick, I didn't get out of bed once. So now I'm out of bed, alive, and well.

My sweet Domino called me yesterday and it seemed as though after I talked to her I felt 100% better. I miss her. We need to go on slurpee and Taquito runs everyday of our lives when I get back. I think she actually might miss me which makes me really happy, cause I miss my Domino so much...I mean I did have like every freakin class with her last year. And I'm hoping to this year also.

Well, I think I'm going to go through all of the craft stuff down in the basement today. The girls that I'm going to be doing a Bible study with enjoy doing crafts so I'm going to come up with some really fun ones. The closer the time comes for the Bible study to start, the more excited I am. Talking about MSA yesterday made me really homesick, but at the same time it made me want to make all this Bible study stuff really fun so that it would fly by then I could be home in no time. I thought I was flying home on the 13 of Dec. But now it looks like I may not come back until like later on in the school year, mainly so I can walk across the stage with everyone. I'm not really sure.

Well, I'm out. I have alot to do today. Love you all!

Jocks...

2004-08-19T17:00:21Z

So yeah, I've been hanging out with Justan, Isaiah, John, and Spencer alot lately. They've had 2 a day practices so we hang out in between. It was hilarious yesterday, Justan came over to my house and that kid knows how to crack some jokes. He keeps me laughing all the time. It's awesome. We have a really good time together. So after that we hopped in his car(which if freakin awesome, it's a 1990 Saab. It's adorible) and headed over to Isaiah's to meet him and John before practice. We didn't do much there, just watched MTV and totally bashed on Brittany Spears and Jessica Simpson. Yeah that was my fun for the day.

Other than that, Julie and I washed the car I'm driving around and now it looks freakin brand new, we went to school picked out and decorated our locker, and then watched a really sick movie which I'll lose dignity by mentioning. So I won't. My bestest friends from MSA called me also. It made my day. Ryland called on his cell on the way to weight training and I got to talk to him and Domino. I was smiling the rest of the day. Until last night when NIcole Wilson called me. The minute I heard her voice on my voicemail, I wanted to cry. Her voice brought up so many bad memories, and the way she like destroyed my life. I was really mad that she called me after I had had an awesome day, but I wish I wouldn't have left the rude message that I did on her voicemail. I kinda feel bad. But I said exactly what was on my mind. There's no way she's ruining Jeff and I when we both come back. Him and I are back to the awesoem relationship that we had started and the last thing I'm going to do is stnad back again and watch her ruin it.

Anyways....I think today I'm going to go jogging and try to gain my sexy body back. I can't go back to school fat. NOt like anyone here knows what I looked like before, but still I do. Ok I love you all and I hope anyone that reads this from MSA(represent) would leave me a little note cause I miss you all. Love ya!
Manda

Wow!!!

2004-08-15T23:35:53Z

Things are going much better in my life now and I totally thank God for that. I now have a Bible study of about 12 girls ages 9-14 starting on Aug. 25 and I'm really, really excited. It's going to be be awesome and alot of fun.
Well, God has definitely been blessing me right and left since I've been here. I have about 1.57 in my bank account and someone just blessed me with an amazing amount of money. Almost everything I ask for, God has fulfilled and it's just completely awesome.

I've made a lot of new friends and all of them are on the football team. It's kinda odd, but they are nothing like the Jocks back home. They are all awesome guys who love the Lord. So I've been hanging out with them alot lately. Justan and I have seemed to hit it off pretty well. He's freakin hilarious, and on fire for God.

Besides all this, I've gained alot of weight and look like a freakin beached whale. It's awesome. Ok well I have nothing to say...I'll write more tonight.
Manda

Still bored.

2004-08-10T17:55:26Z

Well, Montana life is still Montana life. Nothing has really changed about it. I've met a few more people, most of whom feel like they are threatened by me. Am I really one that gives that, "you should feel threatened by me" impression? O well, I'm only here for a short time anyways.
So I talked to Domino and Ryland yesterday about school and how it was going. They informed me that there is alot more people. I'm really scared that I'll be treated as the "new girl" when I go back. Seriously I'll probably hit anyone who treats me like the new kid. I am MSA!!!! mwaaahhhh!!! No I'm not, but I do miss it greatly. And I'm scared out of my bloody mind to go to Polson High, because it's like a real highschool. JOck, snobs, and all that gravy. My life! I can't take this.
Well besides that I really have no life. I sit at home all day most of the week, and don't really knwo anyone except for Julie. They people I'm stayong with still haven't put me on the insurance so i still can't drive which sucks big time. O well. I'm going back to bed. Goodnight to all.

Montana life...

2004-08-09T19:12:18Z

So Montana life was boring for the most part during the first week, but now I've made some friends and have started doing things again. I went tubeing yesterday for teh first time, then today a Japanese exchange student has come to live with us, Derek and Don left for the CMA, and tomorrow Julie is taking me white water rafting. I'm really excited. I have alot of plans for the next couple of days and so I'm going to be kept pretty busy. I do miss my people in Florida though. Especially Aimi. Seriously, taking this trip has made me realize that she really is my best friend and I don't know how I could live withoutr her. I'm barely making it right now. She called tonight and I couldn't stop crying until she said something to make me laugh...... she's good at that. I hope we stay best friends even though I'm in Montana and she's going to Germany. By the time we see each other next it's going to be like 6 months since we've seen each other. Thats a freakin long time. Besides all that exciting news, my mom is going to fly over to see me. Which os definitely exciting. I wish more than anything thought that the whole family could come. I miss them all so much. Hey while their at it I guess they could bring some of my friends too. That would totally make my day. I feel really bad for leaving without notice. My friend, Axel, from Germany is supposed to be coming down for like 3 months, and then it's my mom/dads/and sisters birthday, my sister is in a play, and My 18 birthday are all happening while I'm in Montana. This was really the wrong time to come. O well.....God knows what he's doing. Time will fly by here and by the time it's time to go home....I won't be ready anymore. I know I'll have a blast if I only think positive....so thats what I'll do. I love you all and would love to hear from ALL of you back home. Pass me an email. I miss everyone. Leave me some love @: mandak122@netscape.net Goodnight